What I Found Through the Process of Creating

How self-doubt and excuses affected my creativity?

I wondered about a life without play and creativity. What is a life like without them? I believe such a life is sad, joyless and boring. Perhaps it’s different for everyone, but it is definitely lacking. 

I’ve been planning to start writing for a while. Yet, as soon as I’d start, I would already come to a halt.

There seemed to always be something that held me back from starting. I’d moan about not having time. I'd blame my lack of experience and not feeling good enough. In the past, I compared myself to others: 'they express themselves effortlessly'. I’d feel as though my writing doesn’t sound clear at all. I admit, these might be true. But, they are also excuses. 

I sabotaged myself. 

• If I don’t dedicate time to it, the time will never be right. 
• If I don’t start it, I won’t gain experience. 
• Without practice, my writing won’t become better either. 

Every time I believed that was true, it was like standing in front of a flickering light, while covering my eyes. Then, claiming it was pitch dark. 

After I started writing, it became clear to me that I wasn't only holding myself back from the first step. I was also holding myself back from finding joy. 

“Your outer purpose cannot give you lasting fulfilment. It is just a game that you may continue to play simply because you enjoy it.”/Eckhart Tolle

Thanks for reading,
Jud