Fall, Shift

Moments of Epiphany

I heard the crunch of the dry mud under my feet. My shoes crushed it powdery as I marched forward in the forest.

The silence echoed the still life of the forest resonating with the numbness inside of me.

Cheerful couples walked by. Their laughter plucked on strings of longing in my soul, playing a melancholic melody. Bittersweet and nostalgic. I haven’t heard this tune for years now.

Birds serenaded to their lovers, their tweets resembling alarms going off, awakening me to my feelings.

I felt urged to remember something long forgotten. Something yearning to pierce through the thick clouds of apathy. Pleading to be re-discovered.

Like a candle’s flickering light, it shined on the suppressed memories of a golden glow of summer.

Then, as this tiny spark became a fire, its flames warmed my heart. And, the distant memories broke through flooding me with the sea of emotions.

As I walked on my path, a few questions shaped in me.
Would love ever find me again? Would I even recognise it if it did?

I’m waiting for the seasons to change. No doubt, I have winter in my heart. But even the first days of spring can lack the sunshine.

Suddenly, the wind seemed to turn around. It shifted into a powerful force blowing dust into my eyes.

And... just like that, change was all in the air.

All of a sudden the earth seemed to disappear under my feet. I tried to walk forward. But I could feel everything slipping away fast. It happened so quickly. I surrendered to falling down the steep slope.

As I am writing, I can still feel the pain in my side.

“And within every person there are a million emotions beating that they are hearing that they are feeling that they are hurting to keep inside but they are still beating, they are still beating.” -Ruby Dahl

I slowly inhaled the scent of freshness around me. The earthy essence of the awakening nature gently cocooned me with all of its softness.

I was lying there for a while. All alone and miles away from people but connected to nature around me.

Things can take a sudden turn. That’s just how it is in life. I thought, as I leaned back on the ground.

… And maybe some moments flew by unappreciated by me.

This time, though, I wouldn’t take anything for granted. I would love our connection.

And, I’d love you no matter what because now I fell in love with even the small things in life.

Because now I love differently. And, if I love differently, then I live differently.

Now I understand that a fall doesn’t last forever. Unless you decide to stay on the ground.

People usually get up.

It took me some time that felt like an eternity. But I was up too.

And as I rose, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

There was a deer, standing front of me graciously as if sent by mother nature itself. Its eyes held an infinite calmness and peace that deeply resonated with me.

I felt safe.

“I look at you and find every single thing that I had been searching for in a single human being…” / Ruby Dahl

In that moment I understood, that to truly live is to love fully. And love isn’t simply romance. It’s profoundly complete.

It’s consciousness and connectedness. A feeling that life is wholesome. Full of reassuring magical twists and turns.

It can come in unexpected forms. Accompanied by warmth, light and stillness that fills you to the brim. So that you are radiating from within.

The summer in my heart wasn’t lost, just shifted into a new season.

Like the deer, it’s waiting to be discovered patiently in the dark, terrifying forest of Your emotions too.

Thank you for reading.

Jud