The Power of the Examined Self

Reframing Self- Improvement

Just think about it.

Is it fair to expect the other person to be honest with you when you aren’t doing the same to yourself?

Examine your Self — it’s easier said than done, right?There are many road blocks that you can come across in your self- improvement journey. So brace yourself! These are some common ones that can slow you down.

The hard truth: it will come up. Sooner or later but it always does. And, it’s often difficult to digest. Your biases, wounds and insecurities are likely to come up too. Be prepared for the unpleasant and unexpected emotions that may join along you on your path.

• Lack of self- awareness: without it self- exploration can be rather challenging.
• Confirmation bias: question everything. Especially your old beliefs, that you are sure about are true. Because often it’s not the case. Your brain might surprise you with how much it can trick you. It gets you to see whatever is consistent with that you already believe in.
• Perfectionism: kills all enthusiastic endeavours. Illusion. Not more.

• Comparison: can be overdone and harmful. The best if you compare yourself to your past self.
• Fear of change: the unknown can be scary. Often that is the reason many couple’s stay together even though they’ve been unhappy for years. This is the reason people stay in unfulfilling jobs. And, this is the reason people don’t even try follow their own path, instead of the one they think they should follow. They miss out on their dreams coming true.

I know, all of these can be triggering. These can become blockages.

But then you may ask what of self-improvement leads to burnout ?

I believe, self-improvement can be misunderstood.

Sure, improving your daily routine and sleep are important. So is following a better exercise routine.

Blindly applying iron discipline to yourself is a waste of time. It’s just to follow some ‘hot’ daily routine. It’s silly if you forget to check if it’s for you. If it suits your soul at all.

Not judging. It happens to me… 

I fell into this trap too, when I pressured myself passing a healthy limit… 

I was’t really kind to myself. Only to learn that is not the way.

Can real self-improvement ever lead to burnout at all?

The most pressing task that should be at the root of any self-improvement journey is a well-examined why.

What I ask from most people who want change is: Who is it really for?

Is it for your partner?
Or for the one that looks back at you in the mirror?
Or for the one who yearns to be a good enough child?
Or for the one who longs for the approval of others?

• Why is this important to you? Perhaps a better question is, what makes it important for you?
• And…Why now? Why not 2 years ago? Or in a year?
• What are the short-term gains?
• The caveat? The inner and external blockages? How about the people around you? Are they supportive of a New you?
• What’s the gain in the long- term? What’s the sacrifice?
• What changed in you since you last checked in on yourself?

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. / Carl Jung

Noticing you needed a change and starting to work on yourself is a brave step forward.

But then…Work means work!

Stop scratching the surface because You are so much more than what’s seen as the tip of the iceberg. I encourage you to dig deeper!

The secret weapon is to know that there is no self-improvement without your SELF in mind.

Daring to differ from your ideals is challenging.

Yes, your ideals!
You and your ideals are separate. You are not them.
Your ideals are great for striving towards something. They give you a sense of direction. They are your north star.

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You might find parts of yourself that make you uncomfortable.

Just like I did.

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People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates. /Thomas Szasz

I remember when I began my self-discovery journey; it felt like digging into a bucket of slimy worms.

I also remember, everything changed when I embraced that these unsettling parts belong to me.
I accepted my reality as it was.
I didn’t want to change myself to ‘look better’ in other’s eyes. Or worse, to look better for my mind’s suffocating expectations.
There was a kind of beauty in this deep acceptance.
Freedom and beauty.
I saw my 'worst' parts bringing me more alive.
I aimed to become a better version. Not the kind that looked better but one that felt better. Felt more me. More mine.
I began peeling layers of myself. Peeled them away little by little taking my time.
Until a new Self started taking shape.
One that I carved.
One that I have’t known before.
One that I enjoy to spend time with now.
I created a self that I genuinely enjoy to be.

♡

You are worthy of love and deserve to receive the same care and attention you give so freely to others. You deserve to listen to yourself more than you listen to others. So that you know what you really want.

You deserve to become the best version of yourself. The one you haven’t even imagined before. And, that is a gift only you can give to yourself.

I believe, this is the power of the examined self.

With love,

Jud✨